Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Things You Shouldn't Say to a Single Girl

Being a single young woman is hard. Especially nowadays when it seems like kids are expected to begin dating as soon as they are out of diapers. Sex Ed is taught before Algebra and a relationship status defines your popularity and your worth. If you are in high school or college and you are not dating, well...something is wrong. And then the village comes to the rescue.

I was there. Junior high....high early 20's....and not in a relationship. People did not understand me, and well-meaning little old ladies made me feel about as out of place as a cat in a fish tank. I was given "advice" and "encouragement" that was anything but! Let's be real. Sometimes we just need to keep our mouths shut. Singleness is a delicate season that should be respected and protected, not treated like an illness that needs a shot of nudging or matchmaking. I'm writing this to encourage you to not say the following to a girl who is waiting for romance.

  1. Honey, aren't you dating anyone?? Don't ask this question. Ask what the Lord is doing in her life. Ask about her future goals. Ask about her family or her job or her Church involvement. Don't act like it is expected for a young woman to be dating. A relationship is a serious thing, not simply something "one does,' regardless of the culture we live in.
  2. Don't be too choosy. For heaven's sake, why not?? We are talking about marriage here. The bar should be raised high! Don't encourage a young woman to lower her standards simply for the sake of having a man.
  3. Don't wait too long, dear. Your clock is ticking. God knows this. And this young woman is trying to wait for His timing and His leadership. Don't tell her to basically forgo God's pace and rush ahead of Him. And do not discourage a single woman by talking about her window of opportunity for bearing children. This can hurt more than you know.
  4. You poor thing. Hey now, I know a young man.... PLEASE don't play matchmaker. From experience, it is terribly awkward and full of pressure. Let God be God. If He can create and bring a mate to Adam in the garden, then He can make paths cross and lead a mate to this girl. Be willing to be used by God. Don't try to be God yourself.
  5. God helps those who help themselves. This is just ridiculous. A statement like that is not Biblical, nor helpful in the long run. Do not assume that just because a woman is waiting for romance, that she is sitting quietly in a corner twiddling her thumbs. More than likely, she is praying and actively waiting. Encourage her in this. Do not demean the beauty of saving herself - mind, body, and heart - for one man.
From one who has been on the receiving end of "helpful" quips, let me encourage you to praise single sisters instead of raise up doubt and fear in their hearts. It's hard enough to wait and trust Jesus, and they need Godly women to lift their spirits.

This post is liked to:
Thrive @ Home Link-Up


Jenni said...

Great post! I heard most of these as a single woman. Not very encouraging at all... lol Thanks for linking up to Thrive @ Home! :)

Tara H. said...

If someone offered to set me up, I would take them on it. If I am not interested, I can always to decline to go on a second date. That could be God's way.

Anonymous said...

When I was single, a pastor "recommended" that I go on a date with a certain guy. He did not even say the guy's name right away. Are you kidding me?! Sorry, but that was not helpful but rather insulting to me, as thought I "needed" a date.


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