Nathan and I were in the kitchen and he was holding on for dear life to a chair. I was encouraging him to "come to momma." He would grin, take a step towards me, then turn back to the chair. After a few repeats of this, Nathan reached for me, then turned and flung himself to another chair. I giggled. He giggled. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Then I stopped smiling...
I do the same thing.
I would throw myself in front of a semi to protect my son. I will not hurt him. I'll catch him when he falls. I'm going to protect him.
But he hasn't learned that yet.
.....and I haven't either.
There are things in my life that I cling to. I have people in my life, dreams in my head, and passions in my heart that I hold on to for dear life. They are my "chairs" that I keep a firm grip on. I don't want to let them go because, let's face it, if I do, I will fall. Hard. Right?....
I see my Father's hands held out to me, and I even hear His voice telling me, "It's okay. Let go. Come to Me." I reach out. I even smile like Nathan smiled at me. But do I let go and walk?? Sometimes. Not often. Very rarely.....hardly ever.
Proverbs 3:5 says, Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Oh how I do that. I trust in my own understanding.
God, I know You're there to catch me.... but I am safe right here, you know?
Lord, I hear You say to let go....but don't You know that I HAVE to have this?
Jesus, You are all I need.... but I also need this too.
Oh, be patient with me, God.
What I have to remind myself time and time again is that when I let go and trust my Father, HE will not let me fall! He never once has failed me. He has always been (and will always be) faithful. He protects. He gives. He comforts. He has the very best in mind for me. If all is placed and surrendered in His hands, if I truly trust His voice that says "Let go, my child," and obey Him, and take a step of faith to my Savior....then blessings and peace will abound....and I will walk.
That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God. - Amy Carmichael