The Most Important Thing We Can Learn from the Duggar Scandal

In recent years, there have been far too many Christian leaders that have fallen prey to sexual misconduct. Bill Gothard. Doug Phillips. Jimmy Swaggart. Tony Alamo. Just to name a few. Now the spotlight is on Josh Duggar, the eldest of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's 19 children from TLC's hit show 19 Kids and Counting.

You can read the news report here and the family's official statement here.

Now, it's no secret that this family has been very active and vocal spreading both conservative and Biblical values. I have been a long-time viewer of their show and have personally been greatly encouraged as a mom and as a wife. While our convictions are not exactly the same and there are several things I disagree with, I am supportive of wholesome television and I am in agreement with their strong stand on the beauty of purity, the importance of modesty, and the dangers of hormonal birth control.

Everyone is arguing over whether or not the situation was handled correctly and there is no way that I can say that it was handled properly. In fact, if the Duggars are as deeply involved in the Quiverfull movement and in the ATI program as it appears, then no, it was not handled properly at all. But as a parent myself, both of a little boy and two little girls, I doubt I would immediately have all the answers and know exactly what to do if it were me instead. Would I put up more safeguards? Yep. Would I be diligent and watch over ALL my children more than ever, doing whatever it took to keep them all safe? No question. Without a doubt, I would hate to be in the shoes of Jim Bob and Michelle. Can you imagine being the parent of both the victims AND the offender? What a nightmare.

While I in no way condone or defend his actions or the choices his parents made, the public shaming of the whole family is incredibly wrong. One sin committed years ago does not bar you from ever living a morally upright life. In the words of my Dad, "Your past can either be a hitching post or a guide post." We don't have all the details of what exactly happened because we weren't there. God was, though. And He recorded it all. Does that excuse what happened? Certainly not! Should Josh have known better? No doubt. Molestation is wrong.

Let me say it again: Molestation is wrong. Dead wrong. Completely and utterly wrong.
I think we can agree that there is no excuse for the horrible act committed twelve years ago. But is that just cause to set fire to a family now and dance on the ashes? I don't think it is. Keep in mind that Josh Duggar's official statement reads that he made Jesus his savior upon repenting and there is no indication that he has ever done anything like this in adulthood. Hence, this happened before salvation. This is exactly the kind of thing that Paul encourages us to remember in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

Even the best of us fall prey to evil, whether that evil is big or small in the eyes of society. Nobody thought the Duggar family was perfect. At least, I didn't. But I believe there is something a little more important the Church needs to see and learn from this.

When a Christian leader falls hard into sin, the eyes of the world see and it gives them cause to mock the faith that we proclaim. That's why it's so important, no it's imperative that the people of God fortify their walls to prevent the enemy from sneaking in and destroying their home. Standards should be high! Less time should be wasted on vain pursuits and more of our time should be spent pouring over the Word of God that teaches us how to live and gives us the strength to do so. Satan wants to devour....and he does a viciously good job at it when there are breaches in our wall. 

Parents, we need to quit assuming that a good school curriculum, regular Church attendance, and firm moral rules are enough to give us godly children. We should fall on our knees every single day and wage war for the hearts of our kids, for the purity of their minds and bodies, and for the enemy to be bound from our home. Jesus promises us that kind of power, but if we're too lazy to take it, then it's our own fault.
My heart is deeply saddened by yet another horrible smear to Christianity. But what needs to stop is the ranting over what should have happened over a decade ago, and the gossip that is not only sinful, but only fuels the fire. Prayer is what this family needs. The victims, the family, Josh, and the entirety of the body of Christ - ourselves and our families included - should be brought to the holy throne of God who offers redemption and restoration.

What's So Honorable About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom?

Disclaimer: 

I am writing this post in response to a question I received. This post in no way condemns working mothers and I gracefully ask that before you assume that it does, to please read the whole post before commenting.

If you are a stay-at-home mom, you know the feeling that comes over you when you see "Occupation" on paperwork. I've always filled it out as "Homemaker" and, sadly, I've been questioned many times about what I do all day....as if managing a home and raising children are a breeze and not even considered a job. It's a little disheartening and, sometimes, even offensive when people pummel me with questions about how it feels to give up dreams and hobbies for the sake of washing dishes, ironing work shirts, and scrubbing kool-aid stains out of the carpet. In the spirit of humility, I'd like to make one thing very clear: The gifts and talents God gives to women are not meant to take away from the family and the home, but to build up the family and the home.

In the 1950's it's estimated that only 19% of young mothers worked outside the home. Now, roughly 80% of mothers are out in the work force. Motherhood has been stripped of its glory and made into a guilt-riddled, raging battle of the Mom's over who's the better parent. The career moms think the stay-at-home mom's are lazy and uneducated and the stay-at-home mom's believe the working mom's are selfish and careless about their children. The media is largely to blame for the tension and I, for one, would like it to stop.

I'm going to go ahead and clearly say that there is nothing wrong with working wives and mothers. Many women in Scripture held jobs - both small and great. Deborah and Esther were in politics, Lydia was in commercial trade, Priscilla was a tentmaker, many were midwives and nurses, the Proverbs 31 woman was industrious and worked to bring in extra income for her family. Nowhere in Scripture are women condemned from holding a job outside the walls of her house. However, though we have the freedom to go out into the career world, what is commanded by God in Scripture has become demonized by society - even by those inside the Church! Let's explore that...

God's Word does not condemn the working women, but it is very, very clear on where a wife and mother's priorities ought to be. In Titus 2, we find the older women commanded to teach the younger women some pretty important things:

Titus 2:3-5 - The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (emphasis mine)

 
Here we see that women are commanded to be keepers at home. The word "keeper" comes from the greek work Oikouros which means a guardian. It also means to be domestically inclined. This whole passage is teaching us our place as married women and mothers of children. We may want to work out of the home, we may HAVE to work outside the home, but our primary focus should be to look after our home - both spiritually and physically - and to manage our house with wisdom and godliness. The Proverbs 31 woman is a beautiful picture of a woman of God fulfilling Titus 2 while also holding a job. She is described as a strong woman with integrity and wisdom. Her husband trusts her, her children adore her, and she uses her gifts and talents, not in ways that will steal from her family but in ways that will bless them.

It's very difficult for a woman to fully keep watch over her house and her family when she is struggling to bring in income. That's why we ought to always seek the wisdom and guidance of God and let Him lead us. Our culture as a whole is anti-home and anti-family. Women all over America are pressured and expected to leave their children at a daycare and go out and "find themselves" by having a thriving career. Many times, the attitude behind it is pure selfishness and greed. Though there's absolutely nothing wrong with daycares and being out in the work force, if our children and our homes suffer, we are not in God's will. In fact, according to Scripture, God's Word is blasphemed!

Ouch.

1 Timothy 5:14 says something very similar as Titus:

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

Now, we can get mad and come up with lots of exceptions, but the truth remains. If we say we ought to obey God and yet pick and choose what we want to obey out of the Scriptures, we become hypocrites and we cause unbelievers to speak evil of the Word of God because they see our outright disobedience to His commands. When we ignore the words of God, we are blaspheming that Word by not taking it seriously. Notice that in both Titus 2 and 1 Timothy 5, women are specifically commanded to care for their children and oversee their homes. I would venture to say that it is not only important to fix peanut butter sandwiches and scrub the floors, but it's honorable. In the midst of the messes, the busyness, and the tiring days, it's beautiful.

I have many hobbies. I have many goals and dreams of my own. But God gave me those things to honor Him in His way, not my way. If I go out and become a Grammy-award winning singer and yet neglect to nurture my children and train them up according to the principles of Scripture like I am commanded to do in Proverbs 22:6, I have blasphemed the Word of God. I can venture to write best-selling novels or travel all over the world for business but if my home suffers, my husband lacks affection, and my children are not trained by the authority God gave them - me and their daddy! - I have caused the watching world to speak evil about the Gospel of Christ. My job is to purposefully make my little ones the priority over musical (or any other!) aspirations. It doesn't matter if I'm singing in a stadium or singing a lullaby to my baby girl, if it is in line with the precepts of the Bible, I am in obedience.

When women of God delve into His Word and obey it, they will be honored. The Proverbs 31 woman was up before daybreak (something I have yet to master) cooking and cleaning and training her children all while selling merchandise. That's honorable. It's time to quit foolishly attacking each other and subtly looking at the home-all-day moms and the at-the-desk-all-day moms with arrogance or mean spirited resentment. It's not a competition on who's more holy. All that matters is if we are obeying God's Word.

Making the Most of the Younger Years

Recently while the girls were napping, Nathan and I had afternoon tea for the first time. I brought out my beautiful little tea pot and some of our wedding china, made some tea cakes, and enjoyed some precious time with my three year old little boy.

We worked on our manners and we discussed baseball, books, and David & Goliath (his favorite story ever!)

The more I delve into the Word of God, the more I see God's intent for motherhood. With three children ranging in age from 9 weeks to almost 4 years, chaos seems inevitable. And chaos is not an atmosphere for one-on-one quiet time! So if I want to win the hearts of my children, I have to be intentional in exchanging laziness for diligence. I have to do all I can to reject disorder and cultivate order and peace within my home. If this is done, then the stage is set for big opportunities to make the most of the little years and reach my children for Christ. This world will envelop our kids if we, as parents, are not doing our job in winning the hearts of our children.

On the outside, reaching the hearts of our children for Christ when they are small seems a bit much. Why not wait until they are older? As challenging as the younger years are, I firmly believe that if we hesitate to disciple our little ones when they are small, we miss out on vital opportunities to instill the power of the Gospel into their lives. Little ones are sponges and they absorb so much! Jesus said in Matthew 18:3 to "come as little children"and He did that for the purpose of reminding us of a child's inherent, trusting nature. Unlike us adults, children are more apt to believe without the need of physical proof. That's why it is so important that we seize the younger years and use each moment of our day to pour the Gospel into their little hearts, tilling up the ground and planting seeds of faith. 

I wasn't quite ready to hand him a good piece of china, so we practiced with our John Deer mug. :)

I am no creative person. But I'm learning that I don't have to be a Pinterest mom and come up with impressive, blog-worthy ways to make the most of my time with my children. The little tea party I set up was about the extent of my creative ability as a mom! But you don't have to set out china and have tea. You can simply take a ride in the car or bring your children to the park. It doesn't take a lot of planning or a special place, just the heart-felt intent to invite Christ into the moment. Simply set aside a time where you can sit down with you child, one on one. Here are some examples of how we can seize the opportunity to disciple our little ones:

Talk with your children about what God is doing in your life. 

Children aren't fools. We can tell them what to do all the day long, but if we are not actively pursuing a growing and vibrant relationship with Jesus, they will not be impacted. Open up and be honest with what you are learning in your Christian walk. Recently I was having a very emotionally trying day and every little thing had me on edge. I found myself snapping at my kids and I wasn't very gentle or patient. Finally, I pulled Nathan aside and I apologized for my behavior. I was honest with him and explained that just as I was teaching him to obey those in authority over him, I was also being taught by God to obey Him.

Read your children stories of great men and women of the faith. 

Nathan's favorite stories are Bible stories. He loves the stories of David and Goliath, Daniel, and Joseph. I recently began telling him the story of Richard Wurmbrand. Reading stories of men and women of God who did extraordinary things and endured a lot of persecution builds an understanding of what it means to follow Christ. Don't be deceived into thinking it's too much for them to handle. You can make certain stories age appropriate without dismissing or glossing over any truth. The Holy Spirit will lead you.

Explain the attributes of the Christian life.

We have recently begun memorizing the definitions of love, found in 1 Corinthians 13. As we learn each element of love, I explain what they mean to us and how we can live them out. Love is patient. What is patience? Have I been patient today? What are ways I have not been patient? How can I have more patience? Break it down with your children and give them practical and real-life examples and pictures to understand it better. 

Sing hymns and worship songs, and explain what they mean.

From time to time, I will read from the book of Psalms. Psalms are songs to God and it's one of my favorite books in the Bible. I also love the hymns, so I play them regularly. We listen to praise and worship and lots of great Christian music that are in line with Scripture. It's important to teach our children to sing and praise the Lord, but it's also important to teach them what these songs mean. Pick a song and play it until you all know it by heart. Psalm 40:3 says God, "...hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it..." Let them hear songs of praise and SEE those words come to life in your home day-by-day.

Teach your children to memorize Scripture.

The story of Richard Wurmbrand is a huge example to me when it comes to memorizing Scripture. He was put in prison in Romania for his faith and while there for over 10 years, he was never allowed to have a Bible. That didn't stop him though. He knew a good portion of the Bible by heart and would "read" whole chapters from memory. His wife, Sabina, was also imprisoned for her faith and could also recite passages from memory. She said of her time in prison, "The words gave hope, comfort, life....How I wished I'd learned more of it by heart!" Psalm 119:11 says, "Thy word have I hit in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." As I said earlier, children are sponges and so if we can take the younger years and teach them to memorize Scripture, we build a foundation of faith that they can stand upon later in life. The verses I memorized as a child, I can still quote to you because they were drilled into me at an age where I could learn and retain easily. You can make Scripture memorization fun. You can even use Scripture Songs! However you go about it, make the most of these formidable years to give your kids the gift of God's word.

Never have I ever felt so overwhelmed and ill prepared than in motherhood. Raising little ones is hard, but training them and pointing them to Jesus seems daunting and very, very scary. Yet regardless of how intimidated and busy I may be, God will be faithful to me in my mothering. As long as I step out in obedience and train up my children in His ways, He will be faithful to complete the work He said He would do.

May we all keep working, keep praying, and keep diligently training our children to love Jesus Christ.

What to Expect From 50 Shades of Grey

It's 3 A.M. and I just fed my little one and laid that sweet little bundle of cuteness back in her bed. As a mother of three young children, I should be reveling in the sweet sleep that isn't offered to me that often. Instead, however, I'm here with a heavy heart.

This Friday history will be made as millions will flock to the cinemas to see the most sexually explicit R-rated film to date. Waving the banner of romance, this counterfeit love story will beat its way into the hearts and minds of women and men all over the country. It doesn't surprise me much that millions will see this movie. The Word tells us that in the last days there will be a huge moral decline. What does bother me are the scores of professed Christian women not only eager to watch this film, but who are defending it with a passion. A passion that scares me. That is why this wife and mommy is up at 3 A.M.

I can't stop anyone from reading these books or seeing the movie. I can give plenty of reasons why it should be avoided at all costs but, in the end, we all make our own choices. But let me tell you what you should expect if you do decide to stroll into the theater with your popcorn and soda.

1. Expect your marriage to be affected. Many women have defended 50 Shades by saying that their sex life with their husband has become more exciting as a result of reading this series. Tell me, at what point in your Christian walk did it become acceptable to indulge in pornogrphy in order to make your love life more exhilarating? Quite honestly, my sex life with my husband is satisfying enough without the aid of provocative books, magazines, or movies. Maybe after viewing this movie you will come home eager to jump into the arms of your husband but. let me be frank, it's no different than your husband viewing pornography in order to get his engine running before he jumps into your arms. Same thing, just a different vehicle. The sinful relationship between an unmarried couple should not be the example a Christian married couple follows. If you soak up 50 Shades, sister, you can expect a change in your marriage. It may very well begin with a bedroom romp, but as is the time-tested result of pornography, soon it won't be enough. Slowly, but most assuredly, you will tear down your marriage brick by brick.
   
   Hebrews 13:4
   Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
                   
2. Expect your walk with Christ to be infected. Somehow, in all the comments I have read from professing women of the faith, I have seen a defiant defense of this series instead of a sobering and passionate call to purity and honor. Have we lost all respect and thankfulness for our Savior that we would spit in His blood like this? Have we no shame at all in being entertained by the very evil that He died to set us free from? If you open your heart and welcome Christian Grey in, expect Christ to be far from you. We can either choose the lust and bondage of Mr. Grey, or we can choose the love, the purity, and the freedom in Christ. We can't have it both ways. That's just a fact.
   
   Matthew 6:24
   No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

My heart has trembled and my eyes have cried sitting and watching my sisters handcuffed to this series. I'm raising my children in a world where evil isn't lurking in the dark alleyways anymore, but paraded down the Church aisle. But y'all...

I love my daughters too much to allow them to be taught that the relationship between Christian and Ana is a healthy, loving relationship; that bondage, humiliation, degradation, and punishment are ingredients in a love story. I want them to revel in the freedom of truth and be able to walk confidently in the knowledge that Jesus is the picture of what love really is.

I love my son too much not to shield him from a world that will tell him that porn is normal and healthy. I don't want him indoctrinated by Hollywood, I want him instructed in righteousness. I love my children enough to introduce them, not to E.L. James, but to the Author of real love. And, God help me, I'm going to fight garbage like this for the sake of my children's purity until my dying day.

I love my husband too much to allow myself to be swept off my emotional feet by a fictional character. Frankly, as a young woman married five years with three children, I am plenty satisfied in my marital bed. I don't need a supplement that my enemy can use to plant seeds of discontentment in my heart. I have too much respect for my God-fearing, hard working, adoring husband to even begin to compare him with a sadist who has no concept of real love, commitment and sacrifice.

Finally, I love my God too much to disobey Him. If He says to steer clear of the things that drive a wedge between us, then I have to obey. There is no part of me that wants to shove His grace into the sewer and gobble up poison. I love Him enough to believe that He will bless the ones who walk in His ways, and judge what is wicked.

To those of you on the front lines of purity and righteousness, I'm wielding my sword with you. It's the casualties of this war that has me up at 3 A.M. but, nevertheless, it is a comfort to know that when it's all said and done, we win the battle. That's a mighty good thing we can expect.

Resolutions for a Momma

Happy (belated) New Year!

Currently, my hands are very full. I have a three and a half year old, an almost-two year old, and a four week old that demand my attention and my care 24/7. My heart is much more full than my hands ever could be, but my work load is, nevertheless, far from light. Entering a new year with a brand new baby, I thought long and hard about my resolutions for 2015. To be honest, it got overwhelming. My list of things I'd like to do is long. But the more I tried to make resolutions like "I will write more Thank You notes this year" and "I will finally organize that closet I keep avoiding," the Lord slowly redirected my thoughts.

I haven't blogged much at all lately and my book I have been working on for over a year is nowhere near complete. But instead of letting that make me feel like a failure and that my potential is being wasted away, I resolve to read one more book to my little boy and use the writing time I get - be it very little - to do my best. (Col. 3:17)

My hair stays in virtually one style and I'm spending these rare "me" moments writing this blog post instead of working to firm up these flabby abs. But instead of choosing to let that make me feel unattractive, I resolve to smile and put on Jesus Christ; letting Him be my beauty. (Col. 3:12-17)

In the wee morning hours while feeding my baby, I've spent more time playing on my phone than praying and meditating on God's Word. Instead of allowing myself to be caught up in distractions, I resolve to take my thoughts captive and delight in the law of the Lord. (Psalm 1:2)

I'm ashamed to say I've been ushering my kids upstairs to get them out of my hair lately. Instead of letting laziness be my boss, I resolve to play more board games, put together more puzzles, and to reach the heart of my children in 2015. (Prov. 31:28)

My nails are chipped, my laundry is endless, my kids need a bath, and I'd love to sit down with tea and book (and quiet that doesn't mean my little girl is writing on the walls again!). But instead of feeling overwhelmed, my resolution is to live joyfully. There will always messes to clean, meals to bake, events to attend, and dates to remember. There will always be a list of things to do and groceries to buy. There will always be people I will disappoint and expectations I will not meet. But no more guilt! To echo Jonathan Edwards, my resolution for 2015 is to live with all my might while I do live.

Micah 6:8
"...and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"

May 2015 bring us close to the feet of Jesus and may our cup be full-to-the-brim of His joy!

Christmas Countdown Ideas for Kids

The holidays are here! In just a few days, we will celebrate Thanksgiving and then the Christmas countdown will begin! Now that I am a wife and mommy, I have began building traditions with my own little family and I dearly love making memories with my husband and my kids. Today I'd love to share with you the Christmas countdown activities for this year. We won't necessarily do them in this exact order, but the goal is do them all and have fun making memories that will last for years to come. So here we go!

1. Read the Christmas story

2. Unwrap new Christmas PJs and a new Christmas book/movie 

3. Have hot coco and cookies

4. Open your special ornament to put on the tree 

 5. Mail Christmas cards 

6. Shop for one special gift for a family member 

7. Make a Christmas CRAFT with Mom 

8. Have a family Christmas movie night - with treats!

9. Polar Express night! (Look at Christmas lights in PJs, with hot chocolate) Link to ticket here

10. Decorate Christmas cookies

11. Gather old toys to donate to charity

12. GRINCH night! (Grinch punch, Grinch cookies, and Grinch popcorn!)

 13. See Santa at the Mall

14. Go on a hunt for Mistletoe

15. Make Christmas pancakes (with cookie cutters and sprinkles!)

 16. Go to a Christmas play or party 

17. Take a Christmas bubble bath!

 18. Make a Gingerbread Nativity

 19. Have a living room Christmas dance party!

 20. Color Christmas printable pages

 21. play a board game together as a family!

22. Have a picnic by the Christmas tree

23. Make Candy Cane syrup!

24. Sing Christmas carols together

25. Have a birthday party for Jesus!

Click here for the free printable!

What about you? What are some traditions and fun activities you do each year with your family?

God Can Plan a Family Better Than I Can

According to cultural opinion, having a boy and a girl means that you have the "Million Dollar Family." You have the perfect family size and quality. In other words, you're done. I did a little research and looked up the term "Million Dollar Family" on Wiki Answers. This is what it said:

Derives from the similar terms “rich man’s family” or “choix du roi”

One son–to inherit and rule the estate…no brothers are needed to work the fields or run the business (because you’re rich) so best deal is not to have second and third sons who will not receive a birthright and will skulk around, envious, making trouble 

One daughter–to marry a powerful ally’s son and spread your power and influence

In early April, we entered a new place. No longer were we viewed as a "Million Dollar Family." Instead, we were on the receiving end of raised eyebrows and sympathetic concern. It's strange. People enthusiastically congratulate you when you announce your first pregnancy. For your second, you receive smiles and happy remarks on how beneficial it will be for your first child to have a playmate. But when you announce your third, fourth, or fifth pregnancy, you start receiving strange looks and rude comments alluding to babies being blessings as long as you only have one or two. Any more than that, and you are being irresponsible or ruining the planet or other such nonsense. Eyebrows raise and filters get tossed to the side. Since announcing my pregnancy, we have been greatly encouraged by friends and members of our family. There has been a lot of joy and it has been such a blessing to be around people who view every child as a gift from God. But along with those sweet words of excitement, there have been some awkward and even hurtful reactions and comments. I wish I can say that I have had a great comeback to each rude and probing remark about my fertility, but honestly I usually find myself giving a fake laugh, a small smile, and stuttering out something that gently moves the conversation on to something else. If I was a little more bold and said what I usually want to say, each conversation would probably go something like this:

• Honey, you'd better start getting on the pill. Do you know how the pill works? Any follower of Jesus Christ should be pro-life and the pill has the potential to snuff out life. I won't subject my body to unnatural and fake hormones and toxins that have the potential to kill a life God has placed in my womb.
      
• Three kids, huh? You know you aren't going to be able to handle that. I know I will have days when I feel that way but, according to the Word of God, I can do all things by the power and strength that is offered to me daily through the sacrifice of Christ. So, yes I can.
     
• Don't you know what causes that? No, please enlighten me. I've been trying to figure out how babies are "caused." <----insert sarcasm here
     
• So, are you trying to be like the Duggars? Three kids is now the equivalent of nineteen?? Shall I thank Common Core for that brilliant math? No, we aren't trying to be like the Duggars. Quite simply, we are just letting God be God.
     
• I feel sorry for you. They say the third child ruins your body for good. If areas of my body that should be toned get softer, and places that should be slim have a little more fluff, at least I know that I sacrificed my external body to bring forth three little lives that God Himself has ordained and knit together. Three hearts, three sets of hands and legs - three precious little people who have eternal worth and value. I'd say the exchange is worth it, wouldn't you?
     
• Kids take up so much time. When are you going to have time for you? There's no time for selfishness in the Christian life, especially when you become a parent. Children aren't just time-consumers, they are eternity with skin on. Yes, it takes time - all your time - to mold them and shape them and teach the basics of every part of life. Time for me will come when they're grown and gone. When I'm old, I'll rest better and enjoy my "me time" more knowing that I have adult children in love with Christ and in the will of God.

Psalm 127:1 says, Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

If the Lord isn't building our house, we are working in vain. Our plans are meaningless if the Lord is not, indeed, Lord overall.

Verse 3 says, Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Not just a gift. But a reward.

Verse 4 goes on and tells us, As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

What kind of warrior has no arrows for his bow? No bullets for his gun? The Lord tells us that children are spiritual ammunition against the work of Satan.

Then the conclusion in verse 5, Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

I'm going to be honest. Seeing those two pink lines appear on the pregnancy test was a shock. Though we planned to have more children in the future, we hadn't expected a pregnancy this soon and it took us by surprise. But that did not, for one minute, diminish the amazing honor we both felt. Though my husband and I are mite nervous, we are so happy to have another arrow to add to our quiver. God helping us, we will sharpen this little one and aim him or her in the way they should go. The Lord can plan my family better than I can. He can fill my quiver best. And if I say I trust Him....well, I guess I'd better practice what I preach.

 

A Better "Time Out" Method

The concept of "time out" for kids has never made a whole lot of sense to me. I have watched a lot of parents simply put their child in a chair and expect that to make them obedient and compliant. Very young kids are not developed enough to understand wrong vs. right actions on their own. However, I think there is a redeeming quality of the time out method that can help parents train their child up instead of leaving the child to stew or sit in confusion.

With every offense a child commits, parents are given a golden opportunity to seize the moment and teach their child about the Lord. We are to teach them obedience to the authority of God, and then to the authority of us, their parents. God's Word commands us to instill the principles of Scripture into our children (Deut. 6:6-9), and so it is up to us to show them the way to the cross of Calvary.

Not long ago, I made what I call a Clean Heart Chart for Nathan (which I am sharing today!) and it has been very helpful in teaching him discipline and seeking after true forgiveness and purity of spirit. When a sin has been committed, I will discipline him, and then ask him to go to a quiet room, sit down, and pray. I tell him to ask God to forgive him for behaving wrong and then, when he is ready, to come back to me. After that, we make amends, pray together, and go about our day. I am slowly beginning to see a tenderness in his spirit when he does something wrong that goes beyond him simply "getting caught." He is learning to understand that when we do or say bad things, we hurt others and ultimately hurt God.

I challenge you to make the most of your "time outs" with your little ones. We only have one life and one chance to impact our children for eternity. Let's not be lazy and waste it.

Boy PDF file here

Girl PDF file here

Making Your Own Mission Statement

When we were preparing to move into our new home, my husband and I discussed our goals. As Bible believing Christians who love the Lord, we have a direction we want our marriage and our family to go. Since that discussion, I have been thinking about my personal goals and my mission as a woman of God. As a wife, mother, and the keeper of my home, my position is serious business. The sad thing is, I seem to forget just how serious it is. I fall so short of grasping the magnitude of my responsibilities. I really do.

photo credit

Have you ever made a mission statement? Have you taken the time to specifically write down your goals? Sometimes I mean well and I have a good aim in mind, but since it's not there for me to see and be reminded on a day-by-day basis, I often forget and let my flesh take over. I get lazy and I'm nowhere near as diligent to give 100%. So I recently made up my mind that I would write my own mission statement, then frame it and stick in my kitchen where I can see it every day and be conscious of my job and my mission as a follower of Jesus. I'll share mine with you as a rough guide but I encourage you, if you are the "see it" type, to take a moment and write down your goal. I think it would help us all as we go about our day to be more and not less. :)

Being called by Almighty God and empowered by the Holy Spirit,

my mission and goal as a woman, wife, and mother is...

To be a reflection of Jesus Christ; valiant and mighty.

To be a refuge for my husband, treating him with delight and kindness,

guarding my mouth, and bringing my emotions under subjection 

so as not to bring him trouble or sorrow of any kind;

To joyfully raise and disciple my children, 

intentionally and diligently teaching them the Word of God;

Training with patience and gentleness, keeping watch over all the affairs of my household.

To manage my home well, using my God-given talents and resources to bless others;

To create an atmosphere of warmth, beauty, grace, peace, and order;

To resist laziness; to make wise, purposeful decisions;

To adorn myself with the armor of God and to be useful for His kingdom work;

Speaking with wisdom; giving with cheerfulness; loving with His love.

(just some of) my favorite books

I am an avid reader and each birthday and Christmas, I seem to ask for several new books to fill my already bulging shelves. When we were packing up our home this past April, one of the most difficult things for me to do was decide which books to keep with me and which ones to put in storage until our house was built. Once we move into our new home, I am going to go crazy unpacking all those books!

So I guess books being on the brain led me to this post. Some of you may enjoy reading as much as me (or more!), so that is why I compiled a list of 55 of my personal favorites and recommendations.

Marriage

1. Letters to Phillip: On How to Treat a Woman by Charles Shedd 
2. Letters to Karen: A Father's Advice on Keeping Love in Marriage by Charles Shedd
3. Meet Mr. Smith by Eric & Leslie Ludy
4. The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
5. Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
6. Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
7. When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey
8. Sheet Music by Kevin Leman
9.  What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp
10. Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace by Gary & Betsy Ricucci


Family

1. Be Fruitful and Multiply by Nancy Campbell
2. The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
3. The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
4. To Train Up a Child by Michael & Debi Pearl
5. Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson
6. Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation by Eric & Leslie Ludy
7. The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot
8. A Full Quiver: Family Planning and the Lordship of Christ by Rick & Jan Hess


Dating/Relationships

1. When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy
2. Of Knights and Fair Maidens by Jeff & Danielle Myers
3. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
4. Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
5. Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy
6. Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control by Elisabeth Elliot
7. Answering the Guy Questions by Leslie Ludy
8. The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop
9. The Squire and the Scroll by Jennie Bishop


Girlhood/Womanhood & Boyhood/Manhood

1. Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale
2. Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss
3. Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy
4. Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy
5. The Lost Art of True Beauty by Leslie Ludy
6. Created for Work by Bob Schultz
7. God's Gift to Women by Eric Ludy
8. The Bravehearted Gospel by Eric Ludy


Biographies

1. A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot
2. The Small Woman by Alan Burgess
3. Through the Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot
4. Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis
5. The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
6. Chasing the Dragon by Jackie Pullinger
7. She Had a Magic by Brian O'Brien
8. By Searching: My Journey Through Doubt into Faith by Isobel Kuhn
9. Rees Howells: Intercessor by Norman Percy Grubb
10. No Compromise: The Story of Keith Green by Melody Green
11. The Pastors Wife by Sabina Wurmbrand
12. Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand
13. Granny Brand: Her Story by Dorothy Clarke Wilson


Christian Growth

1. Hind's Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
2. Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
3. If by Amy Carmichael
4. Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot
5. Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
6. Wrestling Prayer by Eric & Leslie Ludy
7. Lean Hard on Jesus by Joyce Rogers

Got any favorites of your own that I left out? Leave a comment and tell me about them!

Sally Clarkson on Motherhood

"Instead of being revered, respected, and supported by society, mothering is devalued. Even when lip service is paid to the value of family, there is still the underlying assumption that only “real” work - financial performance, career achievement, or some other contribution outside the home - counts in terms of value and success. Often, as a result, women feel confused and torn between the cultural messages they hear about what is important for them to do and the eternal message God has written on their hearts. The minority of mothers who choose to devote their lives to the nurturing of godly heritage by focusing on their homes as the center of life find themselves unsupported and unaffirmed by a culture that does not value their contribution. The hard, daily, repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built.”

~ Sally Clarkson