What to Expect From 50 Shades of Grey

It's 3 A.M. and I just fed my little one and laid that sweet little bundle of cuteness back in her bed. As a mother of three young children, I should be reveling in the sweet sleep that isn't offered to me that often. Instead, however, I'm here with a heavy heart.

This Friday history will be made as millions will flock to the cinemas to see the most sexually explicit R-rated film to date. Waving the banner of romance, this counterfeit love story will beat its way into the hearts and minds of women and men all over the country. It doesn't surprise me much that millions will see this movie. The Word tells us that in the last days there will be a huge moral decline. What does bother me are the scores of professed Christian women not only eager to watch this film, but who are defending it with a passion. A passion that scares me. That is why this wife and mommy is up at 3 A.M.

I can't stop anyone from reading these books or seeing the movie. I can give plenty of reasons why it should be avoided at all costs but, in the end, we all make our own choices. But let me tell you what you should expect if you do decide to stroll into the theater with your popcorn and soda.

1. Expect your marriage to be affected. Many women have defended 50 Shades by saying that their sex life with their husband has become more exciting as a result of reading this series. Tell me, at what point in your Christian walk did it become acceptable to indulge in pornogrphy in order to make your love life more exhilarating? Quite honestly, my sex life with my husband is satisfying enough without the aid of provocative books, magazines, or movies. Maybe after viewing this movie you will come home eager to jump into the arms of your husband but. let me be frank, it's no different than your husband viewing pornography in order to get his engine running before he jumps into your arms. Same thing, just a different vehicle. The sinful relationship between an unmarried couple should not be the example a Christian married couple follows. If you soak up 50 Shades, sister, you can expect a change in your marriage. It may very well begin with a bedroom romp, but as is the time-tested result of pornography, soon it won't be enough. Slowly, but most assuredly, you will tear down your marriage brick by brick.
   
   Hebrews 13:4
   Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
                   
2. Expect your walk with Christ to be infected. Somehow, in all the comments I have read from professing women of the faith, I have seen a defiant defense of this series instead of a sobering and passionate call to purity and honor. Have we lost all respect and thankfulness for our Savior that we would spit in His blood like this? Have we no shame at all in being entertained by the very evil that He died to set us free from? If you open your heart and welcome Christian Grey in, expect Christ to be far from you. We can either choose the lust and bondage of Mr. Grey, or we can choose the love, the purity, and the freedom in Christ. We can't have it both ways. That's just a fact.
   
   Matthew 6:24
   No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

My heart has trembled and my eyes have cried sitting and watching my sisters handcuffed to this series. I'm raising my children in a world where evil isn't lurking in the dark alleyways anymore, but paraded down the Church aisle. But y'all...

I love my daughters too much to allow them to be taught that the relationship between Christian and Ana is a healthy, loving relationship; that bondage, humiliation, degradation, and punishment are ingredients in a love story. I want them to revel in the freedom of truth and be able to walk confidently in the knowledge that Jesus is the picture of what love really is.

I love my son too much not to shield him from a world that will tell him that porn is normal and healthy. I don't want him indoctrinated by Hollywood, I want him instructed in righteousness. I love my children enough to introduce them, not to E.L. James, but to the Author of real love. And, God help me, I'm going to fight garbage like this for the sake of my children's purity until my dying day.

I love my husband too much to allow myself to be swept off my emotional feet by a fictional character. Frankly, as a young woman married five years with three children, I am plenty satisfied in my marital bed. I don't need a supplement that my enemy can use to plant seeds of discontentment in my heart. I have too much respect for my God-fearing, hard working, adoring husband to even begin to compare him with a sadist who has no concept of real love, commitment and sacrifice.

Finally, I love my God too much to disobey Him. If He says to steer clear of the things that drive a wedge between us, then I have to obey. There is no part of me that wants to shove His grace into the sewer and gobble up poison. I love Him enough to believe that He will bless the ones who walk in His ways, and judge what is wicked.

To those of you on the front lines of purity and righteousness, I'm wielding my sword with you. It's the casualties of this war that has me up at 3 A.M. but, nevertheless, it is a comfort to know that when it's all said and done, we win the battle. That's a mighty good thing we can expect.

So You Don't Want to Wait for Marriage

Last summer, a woman wrote a blog post about how she remained a virgin until marriage and how much she wished she hadn't.

She wrote about how she signed her name to the True Love Waits pledge at 10 years of age, how she wore her "virginity badge" with honor all throughout her teen years. Then on her wedding night, instead of joyously experiencing the beauty of God's way, she felt dirty and awkward. She hated being intimate with her husband, underwent therapy, and finally shucked religion altogether.

Suffice it to say, the post went viral. Reading it, my heart broke. There's no telling how many read that blog and decided that purity wasn't worth saving.

So you don't want to wait for marriage? May I give you another side of the story that is far different from the one above? You see I, too, signed my name to the TLW pledge at an early age. I, too, remained a virgin all throughout my teenage years and into my early twenties. I, too, was pure on my wedding night. So let me be honest and give you some good advice, from someone who's also been there, done that.

Many make the mistake of assuming that virginity and purity are the same thing when, in truth, there is a difference between the two. Virginity is something we have and give away once, preferably to our spouse on our wedding night as commanded by God. It's priceless and we can never get it back. Purity, however, goes deeper. Purity is a not simply something, it's a lifestyle of shunning sin and embracing what is holy and beautiful. The young woman who wrote that blog had a misconception of the two and I believe the Church is partially responsible.

The Church has failed its young people by making marital intimacy appear boring and unexciting. Instead of seeing Christian couples in the Church madly in love and enjoying all the blessings of sex inside of marriage, they see most of them battling pornography addictions, having affairs, or undergoing painful divorces. For the most part, young people grow up either believing their elders are outright lying to them OR they grow up being indoctrinated that sex is dirty and shameful. And as a result, they either reject the notion of marriage altogether, or they carry that into their marriage and end up feeling impure once they hand over their virginity to their spouse. The problem isn't that they remained a virgin, the problem is the fuel behind their choice and the misconception of what purity truly is. If you make the choice to remain a virgin until your wedding night, assuming that's all there is to purity, you are going to be disappointed and you will likely wind up with just as much angst as the girl who wrote that blog. Purity is not merely something you "have." Purity is a way of life that can only be lived through the blood and the power of Jesus Christ. If you want a heavenly marriage, you will live in purity. You will carry it with you always, not leave it on the bed on your wedding night. It will go with you as you fold laundry, buy groceries, and pay your bills. It will walk with you into the sanctuary at your Church and into the bedroom with your husband.

Was my wedding night awkward? Not really, no.

Did I feel dirty and ashamed? Not once.

Did I grow to dread intimacy with my spouse after that? Not at all (my three kids likely prove that, eh? ;)

I made the same choices as that young woman did. The difference between us both, however, is the reasons behind the choices I made. I didn't stay a virgin because it was expected of me or because everybody else was signing cards pledging to do it too. I didn't stay a virgin because the Church pounded the notion into my head, threatening me with hell fire if I gave it away before the wedding vows. I made the choices I did because saving physical intimacy is a command of God and based on a principle of God's Kingdom. In Matthew 7:6, Jesus told His disciples, "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine." 

I trusted that the Lord would be faithful to me. And He was.

Countless young people read that blog post and fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. No doubt many decided to forgo sexual purity and hand over their virginity simply because it's their body and their choice. But to that young woman and all the others in the same boat, I say this: Of all the things of great value in your life, one of the most precious is your sexuality. It's meant to be a holy and set-apart place of our being and reserved for only one to have access. It's not about rules and regulations, it's about God granting us a little brush with heaven. When God sets the stage for marital intimacy, it will never ever lose its beauty.

Is Kissing Something You Should Save?

BELIEVING THAT True Love Waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.”

When I signed my name to the True Love Waits pledge at the age of 13, I joined millions in publicly committing myself to purity. After being introduced to a new attitude towards dating and relationships, I made the decision not to engage in typical dating by giving my heart or my body to one guy after another. Instead, I was going save myself—all of myself— for my future husband. But actually, it didn't start out the way some think it did. 

In the beginning, I simply thought the notion of saving everything, including my first kiss, for my wedding day was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. Later, as opportunities to be like everyone else were presented, I had to reevaluate my reasons. 

Why did I want to save everything for marriage? 

Was my virginity not enough? 

I spent much time in prayer and a lot of time watching my peers. Some had no problem signing abstinence cards, then becoming intimate with their current boyfriend or girlfriend; giving themselves to one person after another. Others held on to their virginity by a mere shred, but offered up their bodies to be looked at and played with like some trinket from a toy store. The more I watched, the more I realized that I didn't want to save just my virginity, because it didn't mean much in light of all the hypocrisy in the lives of those around me. I wanted to give my husband more. I wanted to honor the Lord, not by only saving sex for marriage, but saving intimacy for marriage. No longer was it merely a romantic ideal, it became a deep yearning to surrender everything and give my all to the One who loved me most and gave all for me.

It’s no secret that humans like being in control. We want to have a say so when it comes to our life because we enjoy comfort and the security of being at the wheel. Sometimes we would rather follow a list of guidelines that sound moral and ethical and ask for God’s blessings, than to fully surrender our entire lives to His leading.

Let me make something clear. I do not think it is wrong to kiss before marriage. Nor do I believe that those who do not kiss before marriage are somehow superior and more holy. However, I do believe it is wise and honorable to save every intimate touch for marriage and, yes, that includes a kiss. 

Science has proven that kissing both begins and increases arousal in the body. In the Bible, Peter exhorted the Christians to abstain from (meaning: to run from) fleshly lusts. Paul commanded us to abstain, not just from the lust of the flesh, but from all appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22), also stating that it is better to hurry and marry than to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9). So if a kiss can easily bring on a sensual awakening, would it not be wise to avoid such tempting situations altogether?

That's a question for you to take to the throne yourself. But keep in mind that a decision or conviction that is made for any reason other than to glorify Jesus Christ won’t hold up when you are in a situation that offers up every possible cause to change your mind. We can have good motives for pursuing an above-the-average life of purity, but we must always, always, always make certain that our reasons are rooted in righteousness and in a desire to be more like Christ, not for the sake of our own arrogance or pride. We can sacrifice all we want, but it is obedience that God commands and desires of us. It is His holy name that He wants to be magnified. 

Is kissing before marriage is a sin? No. But I greatly encourage those who are unmarried to be careful and wise when it comes to intimacy, sexuality, and pleasure because the flames burn hot and what we sow, we will reap. In the words of Elisabeth Elliot, "A good and perfect gift, these natural desires. But so much the more necessary that they be controlled... that they might be reborn in power and purity for God."

What Purity Is and What Purity Isn't

There is a lot of confusion over the term purity. What does it really mean? 

Is it simply being a virgin? 

Is it just a matter of the heart and your good intentions? 

Have you heard of the term meekness? It’s mentioned several times in Scripture, even in describing the character of Christ. To be meek means to bring yourself and your will under subjection and authority. Simply put: it's power under control. This goes hand-in-hand with purity. Purity is all about bringing your desires and the longings of your flesh into submission and under control. It’s disciplining your mind, heart, and body and training yourself to keep away from whatever has the potential to contaminate you.

There is a new trend that has swept through the Church that tells us that as long as you don’t lose your virginity, you are still pure in God’s eyes. After all, He commanded us to abstain from sex, not all the other stuff, right? More and more, we hear of youth group get-togethers and outings that are really just a front for a making-out, orgy-style, flesh fest. Because teachings of purity are shoved to the side and never defined, it becomes a matter of whatever seems right to you at the moment. And that's where it gets dangerous.

I remember watching a couple make-out in front of me in the youth room of our Church while the youth leader stepped out for a brief moment. Youth group lock-ins were a fun way to sneak off and explore each other’s body. Playing fun youth group games like “Murder in the Dark” kept the lip-locking out of view. I saw more break-ups and relationship drama inside the Church walls than I cared to see, and all were done by the same group of young people who had signed abstinence cards alongside of me. According to them, they were still pure. Sure, they had offered up their body to be touched, grabbed, squeezed, and fondled, but their clothes had remained more or less on, so they were still on God's good side.

Were they right? Is purity just about retaining your virginity? 

Or is there more to it than that?

Let me just say it loud and clear: Purity isn’t just a physical area, it is also a matter of the heart. 

If you remain a virgin, but are constantly filling your mind with pornography, lusting after the bodies of celebrities or guys in school, then there is a problem with the content of your heart. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 that to look at and lust after someone who is not our spouse is committing adultery with them in their heart. In the eyes of Jesus, simply looking and wanting someone’s body other than the body of our spouse makes us impure.

When I was thirteen I chose to pursue, not a few pure choices, but a pure lifestyle when I gave God the pen of my life. I wanted my body—my entire body—to be untouched and kept under wraps for my husband. I also wanted my heart to be pure. To sit and dwell on sexual fantasies and fill my mind and my heart with ungodly scenes and desires would do nothing but spread a thick layer of filth over my mind and my heart. It would no doubt create a habit that would later be destructive in my marriage. Our mind is a battlefield that we must fight to protect. Satan would love nothing more than to flood us with sludge and stain us with sinful thoughts. Purity is something worth protecting. And like anything of value, it should be preserved and kept clean.

I challenge you to ditch the cultural mindset that says "anything goes as long as you don't go all the way," and to set your feet on the path of righteousness, submitting your entire existence to the holy will of God. As you sow seeds of purity, you will reap the benefits of a beautiful and blessed life and marriage.

 

Abstinence. Why True Love Isn't Waiting Anymore

We have been taught that love and sex are interchangeable. Love is a word we flippantly toss around, like a ball on a basketball court, and sex is nothing more than an expected, biological act. We've been conditioned to think this way, no doubt, by Hollywood's ever increasing stack of romantic films that plop two people in bed together for a heated night of passion. It's portrayed to be romantic and the normal thing to do when you are in a relationship, but all it is, is a knock-off counterfeit, full of the dirt and mire of sin.

Wait until marriage.

Just say "No!"

True Love Waits.

If you grew up in Church, there is a good chance you heard those phrases. I know I did. So did nearly everyone I grew up with. Maybe you had them inscribed on a ring or scribbled and pasted on your wall. I had the jewelry, the posters, the books, and would be among the first to raise my hand and proudly say that I was "saving myself" for marriage. Those things don't mean much, though. I have sat in many youth group services and I have heard many energetic youth leaders try to fire everyone up by shouting, "Just say "no!" to sin. We would pump our fists, stomp our feet, and thunderously yell with a good amount of believability. And yet, I would watch the same young people - my peers - sneak out into a back room to make-out or announce an unplanned pregnancy a few months later. 

So what went wrong?

By the grace of God, I waited and I did "say no" until marriage. But it wasn't the same for everyone. In fact, take a look around and you'd be hard pressed to find 10 high school teenagers who are still virgins, by choice. You see, catch phrases are fun, but they hold no power.

I am thankful for some of the youth leaders I have met in recent years who are fighting for the younger generation. Instead of watering down the truth in order to be more "relevant" and "appealing," they are doing all they can to lead them closer to Jesus Christ. Sadly, they are few and far between. Far too many youth leaders seem to assume that teenagers are incapable of living righteously, so they make out like it's normal to compromise and be to physically intimate, just so long as you hang on to the last few shreds of your virginity. This is dangerous ground and, because of this, every generation slips further and further away from pure and godly living, even with all the resources and events and youth rallies at their disposal. 

Over 50% of all marriages (both Christian and non-Christian) fail. That's a hefty amount of break-ups! It burdens my heart when I see an entire generation of young people who truly believe that broken homes, abusive situations, and pornography addictions are the new normal in marriage and family life. This is so far from God's design! So what's wrong? Why don't people believe that waiting is truly worth it in the end? Here's what I think:

1) They have not been taught to love and fear God. Ecclesiastes 12:13 says, "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." We can spit out slogans and motto's all we want. We can be shown statistics, given a list of rules, be involved in youth events, and even memorize Scripture. But at the end of it all, it comes down to this one fact: If we don't have a genuine love for God and a reverent fear of His holiness, we probably won't obey His Word much, if ever. The aim should not be to produce more Christian teenagers who know the Bible stories but live no differently than those who have never encountered Christ. Our aim should be to raise up a generation of young people who are wholly surrendered to the Lord, and who love Him with all their being.

2) They haven't been shown a marriage relationship worth waiting for. Simply put: they just don't buy it. There are married Christian couples who have nothing positive to say about marriage, they just gripe and complain about how unsatisfied they are. They don't exhibit a Biblical, happy marital life, and the ones looking up to them...well, they see it. Actions speak louder than words. If the younger people do not see anything worth waiting for....seriously, why should they wait? It becomes a joke and a lie. But when they have caught a glimpse of a God-scripted life, the cultural picture in front of them won't be appealing anymore, because they have seen a vision of something far better. And they will want it. In my personal life, watching my parents fall more in love with age made me desire a marriage that was built and constructed by the same Constructor.

We have scores of young people who attend Church regularly, yet are struggling with the most basic moral issues. As parents and Church leaders, if something doesn't change, it will continue to go downhill and we will reap the harvest because of our disobedience. As a parent now, I want my children to pursue a life of purity and obedience to God. It's my primary job to not only teach my children the Bible, but teach them about the character and nature of God. If they can be taught to fall in love with God and with His Word, then they will have a desire to obey Him. As a wife, I want to obey Scripture and demonstrate a marital life that is not of this world to my children. When they see their mommy and daddy in love with Jesus and in love with one another, I'm convinced they will want it too.

Today I am praying for the hearts of today's young people. 

"This is the generation of them that seek Him, that seek Thy face...."  - Psalm 24:6a

Single Girls Should Fall in Love

When my husband whispers sweet words in my ear, writes me love notes, or brings me flowers, I completely melt. When he holds me, wipes my tears, and sacrifices himself to put me first, I fall more and more in love with the man I married. I have been so blessed and humbled by him and I love him more today than I ever have. 

Though I have been a married woman for nearly four years, on Valentine's Day, I always seem to go back to my single years. These days, while I revel in the romance and intimacy of marriage, my thoughts are still very much with all of you single girls. And I think you should fall in love.

I'm talking completely, passionately, crazy in love

....with Jesus.

It's become so abnormal to be in love with Jesus. It sounds foreign. A little radical. Just plain weird. But let me tell you that if you want your marriage to be all it's meant to be, fall in love with Jesus! Make Him the lover of your soul.

Do you long for a man to sweep you off your feat? To battle the dragons for you? To charge the enemy and rescue you? Fall in love with Jesus. He not only came to romance you (Hosea 2:19; Song of Solomon 2:10), but He defeated hell for you to rescue you from sin (Galatians 3:13; Titus 2:14; 1 Peter 1:18-19).

Do you desperately want a man who will wipe your tears? Who will listen to every little thing you care about? To put you above all others? Fall in love with Jesus. He collects your tears (Psalm 56:8). He cares about the smallest burden we carry (1 Peter 5:7). And He loves you enough that He sacrificed Himself for you (Ephesians 5:2).

If you're like me, you get mushy when a guy does sweet things for you. So how much more should we fall in love with Christ every day? As we open up His Word and hear all of His promises, see all of His love, and feel all of His passion for us, we should have a burning desire to pour out our lives for Him. Forever. When I read His letter to me and am reminded of His great love, His astounding grace, His tender voice calling out to me, I should do no less than fall at His feet in completely adoration! I should fall in love.

My marriage isn't without flaws. No earthly love story is perfect when it is made up of two sinners. But when those two sinners fall totally in love with Jesus, a little piece of heaven comes down. And it's beautiful.

Today, if you are single and bemoaning this day of love, let me encourage you to just fall in love! Fall totally, and deeply and radically in love with the Prince of Heaven, the Savoir, Redeemer, Friend, and Author of Love. Go fall in love with Jesus and let Him steal your heart.


 

Keeping Marriage Sacred

We have all had "the talk" and we are well aware of the in's and out's of procreation and physical intimacy. So let me be frank.

It's time for the marriage bed to 
go back behind closed (and locked!) doors.

I believe God designed marriage and its intimacy to be between one man and one woman. As a Christian, I believe marriage is sacred and the marriage bed should be protected; at all costs. Sadly, though, it isn't so sacred anymore.

Years before I married Grant, I read an article that encouraged young couples to make their bedroom a haven; to keep it neat and tidy, smelling nice, and have an atmosphere of peace and relaxation. It should be a place that is pleasant and enjoyable to be in, not cluttered with smelly laundry, papers from work, or last night's supper. I remembered that advice and now work to make sure our bedroom is always clean and relaxing. Why? Because to us, it's a sacred place.

I cringe every time I hear a wife sharing with others what goes on behind closed doors. It's become the norm to exploit our personal lives for the entertainment of others. And Facebook - ahh Facebook - it is certainly not a place to reveal the going's on in your private time with your husband. Three's a crowd, y'all! Fellow wives, may I give you some advice? 

Keep your marriage - that holy union where two become one - sacred. 

Marriage is a covenant that is binding. The marriage bed is a place where God has given you permission to consummate that covenant; where you are given a licence to love and enjoy your spouse in the purity and glory of the vows you have made. It's where memories - and babies! - are made. It's a safe haven for secrets, tears, and your deepest dreams and fears. It's meant to be holy. It's meant to be protected. And private.

Hebrews 13:4a says, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled..." 

Let's not defile the marriage bed by exposing it to a third party or by inviting others into our bedroom by way of a girl's night out chat. I have no business knowing your preferences or the details of what God calls sacred.

Let's reclaim the purity and sacredness of our marriages again!

My Guidelines for Shopping for Modest Clothes

Modesty is easy.... but it's not easy all the time. When shopping malls are full of immodest clothes and everywhere you turn, it's about showing less and less of your body...yeah, it's tough.

photo credit

I was asked recently what my guidelines were for shopping and buying modest clothes. Now I want you to know that I am in no way an expert. God deals with me almost daily with this! But today I want to share with you how I shop for modest outfits. I'm going to show you some Do's and some Don't's and also how you can take immodest clothes and MAKE them modest. Okay? So here we go!

my guidelines for blouses & tops

Question #1 - Does it show my midriff? Nobody but your husband show know what your tummy looks like. When you try on a top, raise your arms all the way up. If the top comes up enough to reveal your stomach, it's immodest.

Question #2 - Does it show cleavage? If the shirt shows your cleavage, it's immodest. This can be tricky because there are loads of shirts and blouses that have plunging necklines and plenty more with simple v-necks that look high enough but truly aren't. If you are a full figured girl, this can be especially challenging. You can layer a tank top or camisole under a low cut blouse to help. Target sells Cami Secret, which is a mock cami that you can wear under tops that are too low and adjust how high the neckline can be.

Question #3 - Is it too tight OR too loose? I understand wanting to have a fitted top, but you don't want one that is so skin-tight that it leaves little to the imagination. And on the flip side of that, you don't want a blouse so loose that when you bend forward, everyone gets a view of what should be covered up.

Question #4 - Is it just too revealing? I don't wear spaghetti strap tops. I have a couple that are used as camisoles. I have a few sleeveless tops for summer but I don't wear a top that shows my bra strap. I also don't wear blouses that are sheer or see-through unless I have a thicker cami or top underneath it.

      O

my guidelines for pants/shorts and skirts/dresses

Question #1 - Is it too short? This is for shorts, skirts or dresses. My rule of thumb is to the knee. My shorts usually touch my knee or go below it. I have a few I wear to swim and wear around the house that are higher, but overall, the knee is the goal. Skirts and dresses all touch the knee. Now, keep in mind that some skirts and dresses rise up considerably when you raise your arms or when you sit down. Those are immodest because they rise up and show too much. And when I sit down, they can show my upper legs and even my thighs to people sitting opposite of me. No, thanks.

Question #2 - Is it too tight? Even if your body is covered, it doesn't always mean that your outfit is modest. I have seen some floor length dresses and skirts that were so tight and revealing that it made me embarrassed. Edith Head put it perfectly when she said, "A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to prove you're a lady."

Obviously, it is not always easy to find tops that fit the criteria I have. There have been lots of times when I was given clothes that were not as modest as they needed to be. Before you toss those pieces, keep in mind that they CAN sometimes be salvaged. Here is an examples:

             

This top doesn't have a plunging neckline, but just shows too much skin. What's more, it can show your bra strap. An easy fix? Add a cardigan. It's simple, easy, and you stay modest.

This is typical summer attire. But it's immodest. The shorts are much too high and the top will definitely show the tummy.

   

This is a lovely example of a modest summer outfit. The jean shorts and skirt touch the knee. The top covers the stomach, shows no cleavage, and is thick enough to hide the bra straps. 

I have a dress very similar to this. It touches the knee but when I raise my arms or sit down, it raises up....a lot! My fix?.....Leggings! I bought a cheap pair of leggings and wear them under that dress. My sisters often wear them under shorter skirts and dresses as well.

Modesty is an art. It takes creativity. It takes effort. And it takes a heart that is willing to obey God's Word and bring Him honor. Happy shopping!

God Has Not Forgotten You

Home from Wednesday night youth meeting, she walked into her room, tossed her purse and Bible on her desk, then dropped to her bed. With a tired sigh that went beyond physical fatigue, she just sat there silently, lost in thought.

Another night with Church friends who were more like acquaintances....

Another night having to ignore the silly giggling from "that couple"....

Another night of being given scowls and glares when she spoke of anything remotely concerning set-apartness....

With a pounding headache and an aching heart, she sat there, silently, wondering what she should do. Nobody wanted to live differently. Nobody really even liked her. Oh they liked parts of her, I suppose, but nobody truly wanted to be her friend....and she knew why. She was different. She believed different things.... like love being worth waiting for; like purity being something to prize and protect. She dressed in a different way.... no miniskirts or plunging, low necklines. She acted differently too. She didn't shameless flirt with the guys around her. She didn't let out the cute little giggle when a guy made eyes at her. She didn't bat her long eyelashes their way or sway as she walked pass them. She was far different from those around her and, though she was proud of that fact, the frustration of being utterly alone in her pursuit of "different living" was beginning to weigh on her.

"Lord," she prayed. "Have you forgotten about me?"

With tears in her eyes, she looked down at her bedspread. "God....were you watching tonight? Did You see? Did You hear? Father, I know I have chosen the right path and the right way, so why am I hurting right now?? Why am I lonely tonight when they are not? God, are You still there??"

I remember that night. Actually, I remember many nights exactly like that. Sadly, in my pursuit of purity, I had no support system outside of my parents. If it hadn't been for them, I would have probably been driven to lowering my standards. But oh, how I wanted to be different! I wanted to be truly set-apart. Because of the fact that practically everyone my age thought I was crazy in that area of my life, there was no one to encourage me to hang in there other than my mom and dad. At that time, I was having so many attacks from friends, Church people, and even family members who thought that my way of living was unrealistic, outdated, lame, a form of abuse from my parents, and the like.

It hurt.

I remember that night as I sat on my bed, trying to keep tears from pouring down my face. I felt
lonely that night. I felt forgotten by God. And it was then that He gave me these words:

Come back to me.

In moments of doubt and frustration and loneliness, instead of wallowing in self-pity, what we SHOULD do is run back into the comforting arms of the Lord. His strength is made perfect in weakness. When we stray a bit from Him, we begin to feel its effects. We grow stale in our faith. We begin to doubt. We get lonely. We even wonder, as I did, if God has forgotten all about us. After that night, I tried to take those moments of loneliness as a call from my Father to come back to Him. HE never leaves. We do the leaving. We do the straying. And though WE may forget the many promises that He has made, He never forgets.

When we hurt, He feels that hurt and longs for us to allow Him to comfort us.

When we are lonely, He aches with us, yearning to wrap us up in His arms.

When we are tired of waiting, He is there, ready to sustain us with His strength.

In your pursuit of purity and in your season of waiting, I want to encourage you to, as Mary Slessor once said, keep close to Jesus. Do not stray from His presence. In those moments of loneliness, please remember that God has not forgotten you, nor will He. He sees far beyond what we see and is scripting a beautiful love story for you. All you have to do is give Him the pen and trust Him.

Originally posted at The King's Bride

Dear Single Sisters

Dear Single Sisters,

It is morning and the house is quiet; something very rare with two little ones who love to make noise! The sun is pouring through the windows and I can hear the birds sing their happy morning song. It's a beautiful day.

For some unknown reason, I am thinking of you.

Yes you.

You are sitting at your computer/laptop or scrolling down through your smartphone or iPad. I don't know you. I don't know what you go through in your day-to-day life; your ups and your downs. I do not know your life's ambitions and I don't know the deepest desires of your heart. But I can guess that you desire love. You desire a knight in shining armor. You long for a "happily ever after" kind of love story. After all, that is how our God created us. 

Sister, what can I possibly say to you that would accurately describe how big our God is? It amazes me that when I was 18 years old, single, and wondering if I would ever find true love, God was orchestrating a beautiful story up ahead of me. And I had no idea! When I met my husband-to-be when I was 21 years old, little did I know that my Lord was smiling down, knowing that I wouldn't catch on to His master plan until over a year later!.God is much bigger than our minds can possibly fathom. I know you may be sitting there wondering if He has forgotten you or if He really cares about your relationship status. Maybe you are even skeptical. I assure you that He has not forgotten you, and I can testify that He does care, even about the most minute details of your life. That's the kind of God He is. I used to wonder the same things you may have wondered about. I wanted a noble Knight to charge into my life and win my heart. I wanted a fairytale story and I wanted a love worth waiting for. I wondered if I would actually get what I dreamed and prayed for. I doubted God's faithfulness, but He proved me wrong!

How can I encourage you to wait on the Lord? 

We live in an "instant" world. We have microwavable dinners, instant messages, and everything NOW! And each year, it seems like things get quicker and faster. Day by day, it gets easier and easier to become impatient and discontent. In relationships, it is no different. I remember when I made the choice not to date. I had gotten a glimpse of something big and beautiful. I pictured my wedding day and my wedding night and the more I dwelt on it, then more I wanted to be able to stand before my groom and give him everything. No leftovers. No past history. No baggage. No comparisons. Was it easy to wait? No, it wasn't. But was it worth it on my wedding day? YES, it was!

My sisters, if I could say two things to you I would say:

1. Wait on our God. If you are playing the dating game, ditch the boyfriend until the Author of Love sends you HIS choice. Do not take the writing pen into your hands, but let our Lord script your story. HE writes only the best love stories! Let Him have control. The Bible says that our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and to guard it closely (Proverbs 4:23). Do not give pieces of your heart and body away. Do not throw around "I love You's" because each time you do, it becomes less meaningful to your future husband. Dear friends, I cannot stress the magnitude of the beauty that comes with waiting. It is worth every sacrifice, every tear of loneliness, every dateless night, and every moment you spend patiently waiting on the Lord. Do not doubt His faithfulness. Please, wait. And while you are waiting.....
        
2. Fall in love with Jesus. As you sit patiently and wait for your earthly prince to come and carry you away into the sunset (it still happens, believe you me!), fall more in love with your heavenly Prince, Jesus Christ. As you draw nearer to His heart, He will comfort you, strengthen you, and fill your life with joy and contentment....and the waiting won't be much of a big a deal anymore, because you will be totally taken up with Christ. The Bible says that the Lord will give each of us the desires of our hearts IF we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4-5). I encourage you to do so. Learn more about who He is and what He has done and will do. Read His love letter to you. Talk with Him. Lean on Him. Run to Him. Adore Him. The more your mind and heart is captured by Jesus, the more beautiful your earthly love story will be. And rest assured that no sneaky prince-wanna-be will be able to deceive you if you are completely focused on Him. Instead, the noble man of God that the Lord has in store for you will not only be captivated by your relationship with Jesus, he will lead you even closer to Christ! Sisters, please do away with distractions and petty come-and-go things. Fall into the arms of our ever-faithful, constant Companion and Champion, Jesus. You will never regret it.

What more can I say? The choice is yours, but I pray fervently that each of you will catch a glimpse of the glorious love story our God has for you.....and then serve your faithful King as you wait. It is worth it....and He is faithful.

Love,
    your sister

Like a Bride Adorned

A few days before my wedding, my parents presented me with a special gift: a beautiful white gown and robe for my wedding night. Along with their present was a small card. When I opened to read what they had written inside, all I found was this:

Revelation 21:2
Love,
Dad and Mom

It didn't take long for me to find the verse which says, And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

....as a bride adorned for her husband.
 
I had read that verse many times throughout my life, but that night, just a few short days until my wedding, that verse took on a whole new meaning.
 

When I think of the new Jerusalem that will come down from Heaven one day, I think of beauty. Glory. Magnificent splendor.....  When the holy city comes down, it will be a sight to behold! And the Bible likens that glorious picture to a bride adorned for her husband. What a comparison!! Before that night when my parents presented me with their special gift, I had always thought that the bride's adorning the verse spoke about was her wedding gown. And it could very well be. However, after I received that beautiful evening gown and robe, I began to really dwell on that verse.

 

....as a bride adorned for her husband.

....for her husband.

Not a crowd of people. Not her friends or family, but for her husband.

What comes to your mind when you think of that? For me, I think of privacy. I think of intimacy. Sacred. Mysterious. I think of purity. Here is my question: How should a bride be adorned for her husband? Shouldn't she be adorned in holiness? In glory? In a beauty that is reserved for her husband alone.

Far too many women refuse to protect that which is pure and sacred. In our culture, girls and women flaunt their bodies and reveal themselves to everyone around them. Then when they adorn themselves for their husband on their wedding night, they are giving him a view of their beauty that has, usually, already been glimpsed, if not completely seen, by many others. Sadly, the adorning that most choose is NOT likely to be compared to the holy city of Jerusalem in all its splendor and majesty.

If I could encourage you girls, ladies, and brides out there to do one thing, I would encourage you to adorn yourself honorably for your husband. Keep what is sacred, sacred. Keep what is mysterious under wraps. Make up your mind to refuse to dress or act unholy. Your husband desires to be the only one you show yourself to. Adorn yourself for him alone. There is so much beauty in that!

The Evolution of the Swimsuit

Jessica Rey from Rey Swimwear explains the history of the bathing suit and where the bikini came from.

More Modest Swimwear

I bought two new swimsuits this year. Although I shutter when I squeeze my mom-of-two body in a swimsuit, I am thankful that there are some modest suits out there! Last year I posted a list of websites where you can find modest swimwear. I used one of those websites to purchase one of my swimsuits this year.

Being a mommy of two littles, a swimsuit for me has to be cute, functional, and modest. Cute because...well what lady doesn't want to look nice? Functional because I have a two year old that can run and a five month old that likes to pull on my hair and my clothes. And modest because 1 Timothy 2:9-10 commands us to be modest and to honor God with our dress. I understand that it is hard to find a swimsuit that fits all three of those things but it IS possible! Besides scouring the racks of every store at your local shopping mall, there are websites that offer some great suits that cover well and look cute! Below are more sites where you can find modest swimwear.




photo credit

 Lime Ricki has some pretty cute one-piece swim wear. Their tankini's also have some modest choices and the option to choose your own bottom, some of which are skirts!

Swim Modest swimwear is a high coverage line that was designed by a mother and grandmother. It offers swimwear for women and children - including boys!

Another high coverage swimwear site is Modestly Yours. It is similar to Swim Modest and created by a husband and wife team with their two daughters in mind. Some of the patterns are simply adorable.

Essentials Swimwear is a more affordable website that offers some lovely and modern swimsuit designs.

If you go to Popina, you will have to look around. Some of the swimsuits are very immodest. But some have fairly good coverage. They also have cover-ups like Rash Guards and mesh Sarongs.

Mod Cloth is ridiculously high in price, but I'm posting modest swimwear, not cheap modest swimwear. Some of these swimsuits are adorable! If you catch a good sale, you can find yourself a nice swimsuit.

I follow Olivia from Fresh Modesty on Facebook and I love the outfits she puts together. At only 20 years old, she offers awesome tips on modesty - and modest swimwear!

Swim dresses are so elegant to me. Becoming Apparel has some beautiful designs that fit every body type. They are a bit pricey, but they are modest.

Jen Clothing does not have that many options to choose from, but what few it does have are cute and modest.

*** OR you can do what my sister does and go get yourself a modest top and bottom or one-piece from Wal-Mart and wear a big t-shirt and basketball shorts over it!

Don't Show My Son That

My family and I just returned from our yearly vacation to the beach. As always, it was a wonderful trip and we had a lovely time. But while there, enjoying my little boy splash in the pool, I watched as little girls and their mothers entered the water; some wearing less than your average undergarments. Some of these precious girls playing alongside my little boy were wearing string bikinis that matched their mothers'.

I'm not okay with that.

I thank the Lord that my little boy is still too young to understand the battle that's ahead for him. But even in the midst of my thankfulness, I am bothered. It won't be long until he does understand. It will be sooner than it ought to be before my little boy looks up and sees the scantly clad women all around him. And he will be tempted to indulge his eyes in it because they refuse to cover up.

And I'm not okay with that.

I am a woman. Somewhere inside me is a fleshly desire to dress sexy and show off my curves. I get it. I struggle too. But I am a Christian woman; a woman bought with the innocent blood of a holy God who commands me to honor Him with my dress. And though I may struggle, my biggest desire is to obey Him.

I know we live in a society that tells us to flaunt "what God gave ya!" But coming from a mommy who loves Jesus and wants to protect the purity of her little boy, don't show my son that! My son doesn't need to see your skimpy outfits. He doesn't need to see your cleavage or your thighs. He doesn't need to watch you swim in nothing more than your bra and panties (yes, I said it). He doesn't need to see that. You can tell me to simply teach him to exhibit some self control. You can tell me to stay home if I don't like how the real world is. But let me encourage you to let Christ have control and let Him lead you to honor Him with the way you and your children dress. Let me encourage you to come out from the world and be ye separate. Let's help one another in this battle for purity.

We are already forced to live in a sex saturated culture. Movies, magazines, music, TV shows, commercials, billboards - it is all soaked in lust. You can't even watch a hamburger commercial without being exposed to a sultry woman baring half her body and using seductive tactics. From a mother, let me tell you that my job is going to be hard enough. Help me out, okay? Don't show my son your body.

Staying Pure While You're In a Relationship

When you begin a courtship relationship or are engaged, there are new questions, new temptations, and new battlegrounds that isn't often written about in books. Throughout our engagement, my husband and I fought battles that, many times, we weren't sure we would win. The temptation to compromise was strong. And Satan did a good job of filling our minds with "reasons" to justify going a little further. It was only by His grace that we made it!

So how do you stay pure when you are in a relationship? Below are seven ways that I have discovered to be immensely helpful!

1. Pray, pray, pray. During my husband's and my relationship, I prayed more than I ever had before. I remember one day literally feeling sick because my every thought was "Lord, give us strength...Lord, help us honor You....Lord, steady my heart..." Purity is a war and our biggest weapon is prayer. The closer we get to Christ, the more Satan will flee. The more we look at Jesus, the less we will look at sin. Pray. Pray for each other. Pray for yourself. Pray for others. Just pray and pray a lot.
    
2. Do things in groups. That's not to say you can't ever be alone. Pray and allow God to direct you in those decisions and let Him show you where boundaries need to be. But I would encourage you to do most of your interactions in a group. There is more accountability there. With my husband, we went witnessing with friends. We went to concerts. We spent time with our families. We went bowling and hung out with others. It is a lot less likely for something to happen when you are surrounded by people.
      
3. Read the Bible. Reading Scripture will allow you to keep your focus where it needs to be. There is always an emphasis on being physically close, but marriage is a package. It is not only physical. It is also emotional, mental, and spiritual. If you want a healthy marriage, Jesus MUST be the cornerstone. He must be the foundation that holds you both together. Reading the Bible together will open up Biblical discussion that will lead you away from "baby, baby, baby, ooooh" and towards "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name." It will bring you closer to the heart of God and get you both aligned with His will.
      
4. Don't talk about your future physical relationship. Save it for marriage. Not just your body, but your talk too. Don't discuss your future physical relationship. Don't talk about what will happen once the vows are said. Do not allow yourselves to think of that because once that can of worms is opened, the worms slither out and you will have a time trying to shove them back in the can. Don't worry about the wedding night or the honeymoon. God made it. God blessed it. And God will bless you. No need in trying to "prepare" yourselves beforehand. It will just lead to more problems.
     
5. Don't have a long engagement. Once the question is popped, get yourself a tux and a dress and get married! --okay, maybe not immediately...but do it soon! :) I speak from experience. My husband and I were engaged for 14 months and it was the biggest struggle for us to keep our bodies and, most of all, our minds pure. Once you enter into engagement, there is a whole new level of temptations and Satan will try to get you to succumb to the slightest compromise. The Bible says that it is better to marry than to burn. I would recommend that if you are able and have the freedom to do so, have as short of an engagement as possible.
       
6. Take every thought captive. Sin starts with the mind. We may not have ever touched or been touched, but if we let our minds roam into the perverted room of lust, then we are doing just as much damage to our purity. This is a toughie, I will admit. I found that in my engagement, my mind was my biggest enemy. God's Word says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to take every thought captive. Memorize that verse. When a thought comes into your head, immediately pray and ask God for help and forgiveness, and then make a conscious decision to take your thoughts and bring them back to the throne.
     
7. Make your goal be to glorify God. When you're in love and heading for marriage, it is very easy for your vision to become so clouded that every conviction you ever had can easily be justified and tossed out the window. You cannot expect to remain pure if you go into a relationship with simply a list of do's and don'ts. The odds are slim. In the heat of the moment, you can make excuses and look at that list as a set of legalisms. But if you go into a relationship with the desire to honor and glorify God, you stand a bigger chance of having a pure mind and body. Make your goal be to bring honor to Jesus. If that stays in the forefront of your minds, then not only will you stay out of trouble, but you will be setting a very good foundation for your future as husband and wife by making Christ the King of your hearts.

Things You SHOULD Say to a Single Girl

The other day I posted a list of things you should never, ever say to a single woman. Today I would like to give you a list of things that should be said! The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Our words have the ability to either bring life or death to someone's faith. Let's choose life.

Waiting on the Lord for romance is tough. It takes an abundance of resolve. And there are always plenty of days and nights when the enemy comes to plague us with fear and doubt and loneliness. YOU can be a tool used by God to encourage a young girl to have faith, keep waiting, and to lean on Jesus. Here are some things you can say that will no doubt give her a little more "oomph" to hold on on a little longer.

1. Oh bless you. Your future husband is already a lucky man! Because he is, right? Her future husband, if he has an ounce of Godliness in him, will be over-the-moon thankful that his bride is a woman of integrity and faithfulness. Remind her of this!
     
2. What a wise thing to do! Proverbs tells us over and over again that wisdom comes from listening and following the commands of God. He commanded us to be pure and to save ourselves for marriage. Praise her for guarding her heart and obeying Christ when this world is saturated with flippant disobedience.
       
3. Can I pray for you? Oh yes, indeed. She needs it. Her spirit is craving someone who cares enough to listen and to strengthen her faith. It's hard being alone. Many times, you are treated like a weirdo or an outcast. She needs support and the power of prayer covering her. This will encourage her greatly.
     
4. You will be glad you did that. Yes she will! One day she will look back and be so thankful that she was faithful. Deep down, she knows it will be worth it but she needs to hear other people repeat that truth in her ear.
      
5. What a testimony to others! Whether she is 18 or 38 years old, she has a testimony. She has a platform. She has the opportunity to gather others together and encourage them! Maybe by her words. Maybe by her example. Remind her that others are watching and because of her devotion to Jesus and her choice to live a set-apart life, she is a shining beacon that can light the way for others to come to Jesus simply by watching her life of holiness and strength. This is powerful.
     

So many things can be said to build up our single sisters. May I encourage you to gather 'round them and cheer them on as they run a race so many chose not to finish.

Things You Shouldn't Say to a Single Girl

Being a single young woman is hard. Especially nowadays when it seems like kids are expected to begin dating as soon as they are out of diapers. Sex Ed is taught before Algebra and a relationship status defines your popularity and your worth. If you are in high school or college and you are not dating, well...something is wrong. And then the village comes to the rescue.

I was there. Junior high....high school....college...my early 20's....and not in a relationship. People did not understand me, and well-meaning little old ladies made me feel about as out of place as a cat in a fish tank. I was given "advice" and "encouragement" that was anything but! Let's be real. Sometimes we just need to keep our mouths shut. Singleness is a delicate season that should be respected and protected, not treated like an illness that needs a shot of nudging or matchmaking. I'm writing this to encourage you to not say the following to a girl who is waiting for romance.

1. Honey, aren't you dating anyone?? Don't ask this question. Ask what the Lord is doing in her life. Ask about her future goals. Ask about her family or her job or her Church involvement. Don't act like it is expected for a young woman to be dating. A relationship is a serious thing, not simply something "one does,' regardless of the culture we live in.
    
2. Don't be too choosy. For heaven's sake, why not?? We are talking about marriage here. The bar should be raised high! Don't encourage a young woman to lower her standards simply for the sake of having a man.
     
3. Don't wait too long, dear. Your clock is ticking. God knows this. And this young woman is trying to wait for His timing and His leadership. Don't tell her to basically forgo God's pace and rush ahead of Him. And do not discourage a single woman by talking about her window of opportunity for bearing children. This can hurt more than you know.
     
4. You poor thing. Hey now, I know a young man.... PLEASE don't play matchmaker. From experience, it is terribly awkward and full of pressure. Let God be God. If He can create and bring a mate to Adam in the garden, then He can make paths cross and lead a mate to this girl. Be willing to be used by God. Don't try to be God yourself.
           
5. God helps those who help themselves. This is just ridiculous. A statement like that is not Biblical, nor helpful in the long run. Do not assume that just because a woman is waiting for romance, that she is sitting quietly in a corner twiddling her thumbs. More than likely, she is praying and actively waiting. Encourage her in this. Do not demean the beauty of saving herself - mind, body, and heart - for one man.
    

From one who has been on the receiving end of "helpful" quips, let me encourage you to praise single sisters instead of raise up doubt and fear in their hearts. It's hard enough to wait and trust Jesus, and they need Godly women to lift their spirits.

This post is liked to: