Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Making Your Husband's Dreams Your Own

We live in a world where women are encouraged and even firmly instructed to be selfish and self-centered. We are conditioned to believe that it's all about "me;" my happiness, my ambitions, my desires. It is sad that even the Church is infiltrated with the same mindset of "looking out for number one" as the world.

But I have a question and a challenge for my fellow wives.

Have you ever listened to your husbands' dreams and plans and inwardly groaned? I'm going to be honest with you. I have. And I am ashamed of it.

My mom was, and is, a huge inspiration to me. Growing up, I watched as she embraced every goal, every vision, and every venture of my dad's with joy and enthusiasm. His plans became her plans. His attempts were her attempts. His dreams, she made her own. I never heard her say, "Ugh,, no, no."  No matter how inconvenient it was for her, she willingly and selflessly put herself aside and went on every adventure right along side my father. I saw her stretch herself to accommodate everything in my dad's heart into her life. Everything he was....became hers too.
Grant and I used Scripture in our vows when we married. In mine, I quoted a portion of Ruth chapter one which says, "for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me." (Ruth 1:16-17)

Talk about devotion! And this was said to Ruth's mother-in-law! But this serves as an excellent example of how we ought to cleave to our husbands.

The Lord gives us (women) good gifts; talents; abilities of our own. I, myself, have some pretty lofty dreams. But should I plow my way through to achieve my goals? Should I minimize my husband's plans and make mine the priority?

No, I should not.

Stop and take a look at your marriage. Are you a wife that rolls her eyes at her husband's vision, while campaigning your own dreams? If you are, then I challenge you to make an about-face. Be one with your husband and be his biggest fan, helpmeet, and supporter. Dream with him. I want to leave that kind of legacy for my children because, looking back, watching my mom's example is making me a better wife.

I challenge you to be a modern day Ruth who says, "Honey, that dream of yours is nothing like mine...let's go for it!"

This post is linked to: Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, and A Wise Woman


Jennifer Shelton said...

I LOVE this post. Mike and I are planning to renew our vows on our 15th anniversary. Little by little we're putting together all the hows, whats, wheres, etc... and that verse is a part of the renewal vows.

Unfortunately we were in sin when we married... but when we stand before God and renew our vows as a man and woman of God, I, in particular, want that to be a vow, a covenant, to him, as his help-meet.

This post pulled at heart-strings for me, because my focus as of late has been my husband, pleasing him, honoring him, and uplifting him through my walk with the Lord, in my home with the children, and in our time together and/or apart.

How I long to see more women realize that they bring so much GLORY to God by joining as ONE with our husbands instead of the WE being ME.

isaacsgirl said...

Love this!!! Great encouragement on something that's often hard to do!

Anonymous said...

I believe that there is nothing wrong with having your own goals. It is not selfish to share your perspective with your husband, even if it is in contrast to his own opinion. He no doubt married you because of your intelligence, shared values and commitment to honestly pursuing those goals together. Strengthen your relationship and the potential of your shared lives by adding to the conversation. As the bible says, iron chisels iron - two strong minds working together will refine your integrity and the best path of action. I believe that just agreeing with everything your husband says mocks your own ability to critically analyse and fruitfully contribute to a more diverse and textured conversation.

Kristen said...

Anonymous, I never said "agree with everything your husband says" nor did I mention tossing your own goals and dumbing down your own intelligence. If you will read correctly, I said that we should incorporate our husbands dreams and goals into our lives. Learn to love what he loves. He should do the same, but even if he doesn't, that makes no nevermind as to what WE, as wives, should do.

As I said in my post, "The Lord gives us (women) good gifts; talents; abilities of our own. I, myself, have some pretty lofty dreams. But should I plow my way through to achieve my goals? Should I minimize my husband's plans and make mine the priority? No, I should not."

Please do not read in between the lines.


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