When I married my husband, I married a sinner. I married a human who battles against the flesh, same as me.
I remember the first marital spat that Grant and I had. Naive as I was, I found myself utterly stunned. THIS man was perfect! THIS man had selflessly fought for me, won my heart, and patiently waited for 14 months to marry me. This man was superman! But in the moment of a heated battle, my head screamed: How can he be so AWFUL right now?!!
Any of you married ladies relate?
Though my husband is wonderful and amazing, he is an unfinished work-in-progress. God is still working on him….and on me. But let’s get real. Sometimes we, wives, grow irritable when our “super” husband is not super. So what do I do when he’s NOT an extraordinary superman? Below is a list I made for myself when my sinful nature rises up. It helps me and I hope it can help you as well.
- First, own up to the fact that your husband married a sinner. That's you. Yes, you are a sinner. So is he. Get your perspective right and remember that two imperfect people said "I do." When we remember this truth, our pride will start to fade and our humility will begin to grow.
- Next, PRAY. Pick up your Bible. Get alone. Go to the LORD and present the situation to Him. You are hurt. Maybe you're offended. Maybe you are just plain mad - and want to be! Go to Him and tell Him about it. Then be quiet and let Him speak to you and calm your heart. Be still so you can know, and remember, that He is God and He can take care of any issue - big or small. He is the marriage counselor and the author of Love, so let Him speak to you and teach you. Let Him do His job. :)
- Make a list of his good traits and qualities. It may take a little time when you are upset, but force yourself to write down all the things you love and admire about him. As you do that, you will more than likely feel a bit more tender and kind towards him than before.
- Forgive him. Remember that Jesus loves us and forgives us, even when we spit in His face and willfully sin. And His blood covers all our sins. Jesus is the goal. Jesus is the example. Focus on Him, remember what HE did for YOU, then do the same for your husband.
- Here comes the hard part. Apologize. Go to him and humbly ask his forgiveness. Even if you didn't "start it," take the initiative to be the peacemaker. Keep in mind that no matter what your husband does or says, YOU are responsible for your actions. You cannot justify your lashing out in anger just because he did. YOU do what's right, no matter what anyone else does or says.
I'm running this race with you, ladies! Let's run well....