Doctrine or Opinion? Divorce.

Past Posts:

Doctrine or Opinion? Your Thoughts...
Doctrine or Opinion? Drinking.
Doctrine or Opinion? Living Together Before Marriage.


* Divorce. Is it right? Is it wrong?
                           
This issue has been heavily on my heart for months. Maybe it is because the rate of divorce has escalated in the past 10 years. Maybe it's the fact that now 50% of Christian marriages end up in divorce (that percentage was drastically lower 20 years ago). Maybe it's the fact that every time I turn around, I hear of another couple "breaking up" and "moving on."

So basically, they are "tearing asunder" what "God hath joined together." And though I am watching from the outside, the view literally breaks my heart. It is really disheartening when people of God refuse doctrine and embrace opinion instead.

In our country, there have been many calls made for us, as Christians, to stand up and fight for the sanctity of marriage. And what do we say?

Marriage is between one man and one woman!

Yes it is. ONE man....and ONE woman....for life. Yet, when the issue of divorce is brought up, we shake our heads and say, "Well, sometimes things just don't work out. In our case, divorce is just what has to be done...as much as we hate it." Uh huh....So much for the "sanctity" of marriage ("sanctity" meaning holy, sacred, of ultimate importance, inviolability and security). Just what was “sanctified,” exactly?
 

To begin, I will clearly state - IN agreement with our GOD, King, and Creator - that I do not support divorce of any kind. If a woman is in danger or if children are at risk of getting abused, I recommend a separation or a time apart. But divorce? Never. A vow is a vow and it is not to be broken.

The argument that people in the Church are giving these days is: the Bible says I can divorce if adultery has been committed. Though you have read correctly, have you ever taken a closer look into the heart of God?

It amazes me at how quickly people grab that "right" to "Biblically divorce." They forget that Jesus never said He was okay with it. Divorce, by reason of adultery, was allowed ONLY because the people of God had hard hearts that would not be softened. They CHOSE to remain hard. They chose to be insensitive. They chose to be unwilling. They refused to remain faithful even in the most difficult, painful, and horrible circumstances. And because they would not be softened, God turned them over to their own selfishness.

Mark 10:2-9
"And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

....let not man put asunder. The Judge. You. Your spouse. Your friends. Satan.

Here, the Bible is saying, Do not break up what God has ordained and brought together as one. When a husband and wife consummate their marriage, they are one in the sight of God. How do you break up one? How do you divide one? You can't. That is how God views the marriage covenant. And He is part of that covenant. When a man and woman come together, make a vow, and marry, God joins that couple, and no human being has the right to break that holy bond.
   
In the wedding vows, we say "for better or for worse" don't we? Rarely do we think about the worse when we are madly in love, ready to begin life together. It is so easy to remain faithful to our spouse and to our wedding vows when things are "for better." But when we are staring "the worse" in the face....then things change. We start to grow lazy. We begin to make excuses. Next thing we know, we justify our level of uncommitment. Then....we forsake our vow; our promise; our word; our oath made in front of God Himself.
 
That is serious!

When Grant and I married, we didn't want to simply say, "for better or for worse." We wanted to go into the covenant of marriage stating, with more emphasis, our commitment to one another. One portion of our vows read:   I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I pledge to you my life as a loyal and faithful husband/wife.

I will be the first to admit that marriage is not easy. Even in the first year of marriage, there have been moments of "the worse." But has that changed our level of commitment to each other? No. Why? Because we CHOOSE to be faithful to the vows we made. We take marriage seriously. And more importantly, we take the Lord seriously. Divorce is no option.

Divorce is never the best option, no matter how horrible things get. And please do not think for a moment that GOD cannot take "the worse" and turn it around. I can give example after example of how the Lord has restored marriages on the brink of divorce and how He has brought couples - that were willing to be softened, mind you - back together. We, humans, believe we have the right to break vows and be excused from the hard, uncomfortable, and downright painful things in life. But thanks be to God that Jesus did not choose the easy way out! He could have easily walked out on US. He had ample "right" to. He had every reason to. But HE didn't. How easily we forget that we are called to carry our cross.... and crosses are painful. Crosses mean death. Yet Christ said to pick ours up (though they are heavy and require hard labor), carry them (not throw them down, put them away....or divorce them), and follow Him (through the light, through the dark....wherever). Follow the example of Jesus.

Luke 14:27 - "And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple."

Wives have a beautiful role in the marriage relationship. You are a picture of the Bride of Christ. You are a picture of His church; the saved. And as wives, you should conduct yourself like the bride of Jesus; with the grace of God, the love of Christ, and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Not backbiting, not gossipping, not dominant, not prideful. You (and I as well) are to submit to your husband and seek to serve him and your family like you are commanded to do; and as the Bride of Christ is commanded to serve and honor the Lord. No, your husband is not perfect. No, he may be hateful and mean. Yes, he may be totally uninterested in loving you. But we are still instructed to give and love with no strings attached. It is a noble and beautiful calling and an important command.

Husbands have a noble and serious role in marriage. You take on the leadership and headship position of Christ. And with that position comes great responsibility. You should love your wife just as Christ loves His Church....the same Church that willingly sins, that openly drags His name through the mud, and that inwardly bows down to idols. In our WORST possible state of spiritual whoredom, He remains faithful. And that is the example HE sets of the high calling of "husband-hood."

This is not my opinion of divorce. This is Biblical doctrine. It is never the best way. It is never the Godly way.


LORD GOD, give us ears to hear (Matthew 11:15), eyes to see (Psalm 119:18), and soft hearts (Hebrews 3:8).

Malachi 2:13-14
"And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."

Proverbs 5:18
"Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth."

Philippians 2:4
"Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."


Matthew 19:8
"He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."


Proverbs 31:12
"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."


Proverbs 28:14
"Happy is the man that feareth alway: but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into mischief."


Malachi 3:6a
"For I am the LORD I change not...."